Am-dram group confidently announces Swooney after failing to get rights to Sweeney Todd

THE Fabricated Players have confidently announced a completely original musical called Swooney after failing to secure the rights to Sweeney Todd and changing just enough details to feel comfortable about it.

The society had spent three months planning Stephen Sondheim’s murderous musical before somebody remembered to ask whether they were actually allowed to perform it.

Chairman Simon Cooper said: “Unfortunately the rights weren’t available, which initially seemed like a major setback.

“Then we realised copyright law is basically about making things slightly different.”

The resulting production, Swooney: The Hairdresser of Fleet Avenue, tells the entirely original story of Benjamin Swooney, a bitter hairdresser who returns to modern-day London seeking revenge on Judge Turpin-Smythe, the man who once left him a devastating one-star Google review.

Instead of a barber, Swooney runs a fashionable unisex salon called A Little Off The Top, where his victims meet their fate after being asked whether they want anything nice planned for the weekend.

Director Jenny Mills said: “He’s not Sweeney Todd. Sweeney Todd is a Victorian barber with razors.

“Swooney uses electric clippers and has an online booking system.

“Completely different character.”

Mrs Lovett has become Linda Lovett, owner of the artisan café downstairs, who disposes of the bodies by turning them into £8.95 sausage rolls served with dressed leaves.

Her famous meat pies have been replaced by vegan-friendly pastry parcels, although they still contain people.

The show’s score has also been extensively rewritten.

Audiences can look forward to songs including The Worst Pies Near London, A Hairdresser and His Clippers, There’s No Place Like London Zone 2, Pretty People, and the show-stopping Attend the Tale of Benjamin Swooney, Who Is Legally Distinct From Any Existing Character.

The setting has been moved from Victorian Fleet Street to present-day Fleet Avenue, a fictional road which happens to contain exactly the same buildings.

Clarke said: “We’ve modernised everything. Tobias is now Toby, the street urchin is a Deliveroo rider and the beggar woman has become somebody trying to get people to sign up to HelloFresh.

“We’ve even added vaping.

“Sondheim never had vaping.”

The production team has also made significant visual changes to avoid confusion with existing versions of Sweeney Todd.

Swooney will wear a grey waistcoat rather than a black waistcoat, while his distinctive white-streaked hair has been replaced by a distinctive silver-streaked hair.

The chair used in the murder scenes is now officially described in the programme as “a vertically adjustable customer experience platform”.

The society remains adamant that the production is an original work.

Publicity officer Helen Price said: “People keep saying, ‘Isn’t this just Sweeney Todd?’

“No.

“In Sweeney Todd, people go upstairs for a shave and end up being murdered.

“In Swooney, they go upstairs for a skin fade and end up being murdered.

“If anything, it’s a commentary on modern Britain.”

The Fabricated Players say they are completely confident there will be no legal difficulties.

They have nevertheless removed Stephen Sondheim’s name from all publicity, changed the society’s phone number and instructed members that if anyone asks, rehearsals are for Guys and Dolls.

Swooney opens next month, rights permitting.

There are no rights.