Am-dram society achieves carbon neutrality by planting a tree after every bad review

THE Fabricated Players have become Britain’s first carbon-neutral amateur dramatics society after pledging to plant a tree every time somebody gives one of their productions a bad review.

The environmental initiative was expected to result in around six new trees a year but has instead created a 14-acre forest behind the clubhouse.

Chairwoman Margaret said: “We wanted to acknowledge theatre’s environmental impact.

“There’s scenery, costumes, lighting and Brian driving three miles to rehearsals in a diesel Range Rover.

“We thought planting the occasional tree would offset that.”

The scheme began following the society’s production of Romeo and Juliet, which generated 47 trees during its opening weekend alone.

A review in the local paper describing the production as “an ambitious evening” resulted in one tree being planted.

The accompanying sentence, “although ambition was perhaps its principal achievement”, resulted in another six.

Mary said: “Initially we were quite upset.

“Then somebody pointed out we’d created a small woodland.”

The society subsequently expanded the scheme to include online reviews, audience feedback forms and comments overheard in the toilets.

This accelerated reforestation considerably.

Malcolm said: “We planted 23 trees after Oklahoma!.

“Fourteen of those came from one woman called Susan.”

The committee has developed a detailed system for calculating environmental contributions.

A three-star review requires one sapling.

Two stars means three trees.

One star means five.

Anyone describing a production as “very amateur” triggers an immediate hectare.

Margaret said: “We don’t count criticism from members’ relatives because otherwise we’d need Scotland.”

The Fabricated Players’ environmental impact has been particularly dramatic since introducing social media monitoring.

Comments including “Was this supposed to be funny?”, “£16 for that?” and “Couldn’t hear a bloody word Malcolm said” have collectively planted more than 800 native trees.

The woodland, officially named The Fabricated Players Critical Response Forest, is now home to badgers, foxes and several reviewers who became lost while attempting to reach the car park.

Local environmental groups have praised the society’s commitment.

One conservationist said: “At their current rate, another production of Blood Brothers could offset the carbon emissions of Derbyshire.”

The committee is now actively encouraging members to see negative reviews differently.

Mary said: “In the old days, if someone said my performance lacked emotional depth, I’d be devastated.

“Now I think: lovely, that’s an oak.”

Malcolm has become the society’s biggest individual contributor to the environment after his performance as King Lear generated enough criticism to restore an entire wetland ecosystem.

He said: “I’m proud to be doing my bit.”

The society’s next production opens on Thursday.

The Forestry Commission is standing by.