Am-dram society bans members from thinking critical thoughts about committee

THE Fabricated Players have introduced a new conduct policy forbidding members from thinking anything negative about the committee, including privately and while asleep.

The updated rules were approved unanimously after committee members concluded that existing restrictions on criticism did not go far enough because members could technically continue disagreeing with them inside their own heads.

Chair Darren said: “We’ve worked very hard to create a positive culture.

“Unfortunately, some members are still having thoughts.”

Under the new policy, prohibited thinking includes questioning committee decisions, privately believing a production was badly cast, wondering where the money went, and remembering things that definitely happened but which everyone has agreed to move on from.

Members must also avoid facial expressions suggesting an unauthorised opinion.

Secretary Colin said: “Eye-rolling is essentially criticism without paperwork.

“Sighing is passive-aggressive.

“And raising one eyebrow during the Treasurer’s Report will now result in a formal warning.”

The committee insists the policy is not intended to suppress legitimate concerns.

Members remain completely free to raise issues through the society’s official complaints procedure, provided the complaint does not contain criticism, negativity, allegations, names, events or anything likely to upset the person being complained about.

Darren said: “We welcome constructive feedback.

“For example, ‘Thank you to the committee for everything you do’ is extremely constructive.”

Enforcement will initially operate on a trust basis.

Members will be required to complete a weekly declaration confirming that they have not experienced any disloyal thoughts.

The form asks:

HAVE YOU THOUGHT ANYTHING NEGATIVE ABOUT THE COMMITTEE THIS WEEK?

☐ No

☐ No, and they’re doing a fantastic job

There is no third option.

Several members have already been referred to the newly created Thought Conduct Subcommittee.

Milly came under suspicion after sitting silently through an announcement that membership fees were increasing by 40 per cent.

Darren said: “She said absolutely nothing.

“But you could tell.”

Milly denied thinking anything critical.

The committee said the speed of her denial was concerning.

Brian has meanwhile received a written warning after dreaming that the committee had mishandled an audition.

He said: “I wasn’t even conscious.”

Secretary Colin confirmed that unconscious criticism remains criticism.

The policy also applies to former members, audiences and anyone who has ever hired the clubhouse.

The committee is currently investigating whether it has jurisdiction over people who merely drove past and thought the building looked a bit shit.

Despite some concerns, Darren insists members have overwhelmingly welcomed the changes.

He said: “Nobody has criticised the policy.”

He smiled.

“Which proves it’s working.”