Am-dram society discovers treasurer has been a loaf of bread for three years

THE Fabricated Players have launched an internal review after discovering their treasurer for the past three years is actually a loaf of bread.

The revelation came during Tuesday’s committee meeting when chairwoman Susan asked treasurer Malcolm for an update on the society’s finances and, for the 37th consecutive meeting, received no response.

Susan said: “We’d always assumed Malcolm was quiet.

“Then Mary pointed out he was a Hovis.”

The loaf, believed to be medium-sliced wholemeal, was elected treasurer at the 2023 AGM after being nominated from the floor and receiving 26 votes.

Nobody can remember who nominated it.

Brian said: “In fairness, it gave a very strong speech.

“Or at least nobody disagreed with anything it said.”

Committee members admit there had been warning signs.

The treasurer had never attended a rehearsal, answered an email, signed a cheque or demonstrated any obvious understanding of accounting.

However, members say this did not distinguish it significantly from previous treasurers.

Mary said: “Every AGM somebody would ask for the accounts and Malcolm would just sit there on the table.

“We assumed he was being evasive.”

The society’s finances are now being urgently reviewed.

Early investigations suggest the loaf approved £8,000 for new lighting, rejected a £14 expenses claim and authorised the purchase of 200 programmes for Shrek despite it not being a show the society have ever performed.

Susan said: “Technically it never approved anything.

“We appear to have interpreted silence according to what we already wanted to do.”

Despite the controversy, several members have defended Malcolm’s record.

During his three-year tenure, he attended every committee meeting, never interrupted anybody and did not once send a passive-aggressive email beginning “Just to clarify…”

Brian said: “He was probably our best treasurer.”

Questions have also been raised about why the loaf has remained apparently fresh since 2023.

The committee has refused to comment while they investigate whether the current treasurer is actually the same loaf elected three years ago.

A by-election will be held next month.

So far the candidates are Mary, an accountant from the audience, and a Warburtons Toastie.

The Warburtons is currently favourite.