Am-dram society launches clothed calendar to raise desperately needed funds

THE Fabricated Players have announced plans to raise desperately needed funds with a charity calendar in which members will pose completely clothed.

Inspired by the long tradition of amateur groups raising money through nude calendars, the society decided there was now a significant untapped market for people willing to pay £12.99 to ensure absolutely nobody takes their clothes off.

Chairwoman Margaret said: “Originally Mary suggested we do one of those tasteful naked calendars where people hide everything behind props.

“Then Malcolm said he’d be interested.

“Within 20 minutes we’d unanimously approved the clothed version.”

The calendar, provisionally titled Please Keep It On 2027, will feature 12 tasteful photographs of society members wearing progressively sensible amounts of clothing.

January will show Brian in a jumper and jeans.

February features Mary wearing a winter coat.

For March, Malcolm will pose seductively in a cardigan while holding a mug of tea.

Margaret said: “We wanted it to be cheeky without being explicit.

“So in July, Brian has his sleeves rolled up.”

The society expects August to prove particularly controversial, featuring Mary with her cardigan unbuttoned at the top.

A warning will be printed on the cellophane.

Photographer Margaret said the project has allowed members to celebrate their bodies while keeping them comprehensively unavailable for public inspection.

She said: “There’s a beautiful shot of Malcolm lying across a chaise longue in trousers, shirt, tie, jumper, coat and scarf.

“You can barely tell there’s a person in there.

“It’s incredibly tasteful.”

The calendar’s centrepiece will be December, featuring the entire committee standing behind strategically positioned theatrical props despite already being fully dressed.

Brian said: “We had a piano covering Malcolm, a standard lamp in front of Margaret and Mary behind a pantomime cow.

“None of it was necessary.

“It just made everyone feel safer.”

Early pre-orders have exceeded expectations, particularly after the society announced a stretch fundraising target.

If sales reach £5,000, all members will remain clothed for the entirety of next year.

If sales reach £10,000, Malcolm has agreed to put a second jumper on.

The calendars will be available from the clubhouse, local shops and any member who corners you during the interval.