Audiences fail to notice Hamlet is being played by a cabbage until final scene

AUDIENCES at the Fabricated Players’ latest production of Hamlet failed to realise the title role was being played by a cabbage until the final scene.

The vegetable was drafted into the production just 48 hours before opening night after the original Hamlet withdrew following what director Margaret described as “creative differences, availability issues and an extremely long WhatsApp message”.

With no understudy available, the society placed a cabbage in Hamlet’s costume and decided to continue.

Margaret said: “Cancelling was never an option.

“We’d already sold 37 tickets.”

The cabbage was attached to a mannequin dressed entirely in black and positioned around the stage by members of the ensemble.

To preserve the production’s integrity, audiences were not informed of the change.

Margaret said: “We thought people would notice immediately.

“Then the first scene happened and nobody said anything.”

Hamlet’s dialogue was played through the theatre sound system using recordings from an early rehearsal.

The cabbage itself remained completely motionless.

Several audience members later praised the performance.

Mary Collins, 68, said: “I thought Hamlet was very understated.

“There was a stillness to him.”

Another audience member described the performance as “refreshingly free of unnecessary gestures.”

The To be, or not to be soliloquy received particular praise.

For the scene, the cabbage was placed alone beneath a spotlight while Hamlet’s recorded voice played through the auditorium.

Margaret said: “There was absolute silence.

“You could have heard a pin drop.

“I remember thinking: this cabbage has got them.”

The production team gradually became more ambitious.

During Hamlet’s confrontation with Gertrude, ensemble member Brian operated the cabbage from behind a curtain using a broom handle.

For the play-within-a-play, it was placed in the audience and turned approximately 15 degrees towards Claudius at a crucial moment.

Margaret described this as “extraordinarily detailed character work”.

Ophelia’s scenes proved more difficult.

Actor Susan admitted she initially struggled to create romantic chemistry with a brassica.

She said: “But actually, once I stopped waiting for anything back, it wasn’t hugely different from some leading men I’ve worked with.”

The interval feedback was overwhelmingly positive.

One audience member said Hamlet had “excellent diction”.

Another praised his ability to listen.

A third said he was considerably better than the man who played Macbeth last year.

The deception was only discovered during the final duel.

Hamlet was required to fight Laertes, forcing Brian to operate the cabbage using two lengths of fishing line and a modified mop.

The arrangement worked successfully until Laertes struck Hamlet slightly harder than expected.

His head came off.

It rolled downstage.

There was a prolonged silence.

Audience member Malcolm Price said: “At first I assumed it was symbolism.

“Then I realised it was a cabbage.”

The performance continued.

Laertes poisoned the cabbage.

Gertrude died.

Claudius died.

The cabbage was eventually placed on the floor and declared dead.

It received the largest applause of the evening.

Margaret insists the experiment has transformed the society’s approach to casting.

She said: “It never missed a rehearsal.

“It knew every line.

“It took direction without arguing.

“And there wasn’t a single complaint about the size of the role.”

The cabbage has now been offered King Lear.

Its agent is considering the script.