Cast stuck in freeze-frame for third consecutive day

THE cast of the Fabricated Players’ latest production remain trapped in a dramatic freeze-frame three days after the director forgot to tell them they could move again.

The incident occurred during Sunday’s rehearsal when director Melissa asked the company to freeze at the climax of an ensemble sequence so she could examine the stage picture.

She then went home.

Cast member Derek has now been pointing accusingly at Leanne for approximately 72 hours.

Stage manager Pauline said: “Melissa said, ‘Hold it there’.

“So they have.”

The freeze has caused particular problems for Brian, who had been captured halfway through falling to his knees.

He is currently maintaining what medical professionals have described as “an unsustainable amount of thigh”.

Pauline said: “We asked whether he wanted to stop.

“He moved his eyes towards us in a way that suggested yes.

“But moving would compromise the integrity of the stage picture.”

Leanne is believed to be in the greatest difficulty after freezing with her mouth open during a scream.

Her husband has visited twice to provide water using a pipette.

He said: “To be fair, this is the longest Leanne has gone without speaking since 1986.

“I’ve had quite a nice couple of days.”

The committee initially assumed the cast would eventually abandon the freeze voluntarily.

However, nobody wanted to be the first person accused of lacking commitment.

Derek said nothing because he is still frozen.

Several members have now missed work.

One actor’s employer called the theatre on Tuesday morning and was told she could probably return “once Melissa is happy with the picture”.

Melissa has since been contacted and confirmed that she did, in fact, forget about them.

She said: “Oh God, are they still doing that?

“I only wanted to see whether Derek should move six inches downstage.”

Melissa has nevertheless asked the cast to remain frozen until Thursday because she is unable to get back to the theatre before then.

The company unanimously agreed through increasingly furious eye movements.

Rehearsals will resume once everyone has been released.

The first item on the schedule is a movement workshop.