Fabricated Players announce members’ trip to the Moon

THE Fabricated Players have announced their next society outing will be a members-only trip to the Moon, with deposits required by Friday.

The amateur dramatics group confirmed the lunar excursion following the success of previous social events including a theatre trip to London, a Christmas meal and the disastrous 2024 coach trip to Bath that nobody is permitted to mention.

Social secretary Jenny Mills said: “We asked members where they fancied going this year and somebody jokingly wrote ‘the Moon’.

“Unfortunately, we’d already created the WhatsApp poll.”

The four-day trip will include return travel, accommodation, breakfast and a guided walking tour of the Sea of Tranquillity, although members have been warned that drinks, hold luggage and oxygen are extra.

The cost is £795 per person based on two people sharing a capsule.

A £50 non-refundable deposit must be paid to the treasurer by Friday, with the remaining £74 million apparently being covered by fundraising.

Mills said: “We’re planning a quiz night.”

Interest has reportedly been strong, although several members have complained that the dates clash with rehearsals.

Director Simon Jones said: “I appreciate going to the Moon is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, but we’re six weeks from opening and Act Two still looks dreadful.

“If you’re playing a principal role, you need to decide what matters more.”

Three cast members have consequently withdrawn from the trip.

The itinerary begins with members meeting outside the clubhouse at 5.45am, where they have been warned the spacecraft will leave promptly at 6am and will not wait for Carol.

Following launch, members will enjoy approximately three days of space travel, during which a rehearsed entertainment programme will include a musical-theatre quiz, charades and Graham bringing his guitar out despite nobody asking him to.

On arrival, members will be given two hours of free time before meeting for the official society photograph.

Committee members have stressed that nobody is to wander off because “we are not spending the afternoon looking for you on the fucking Moon”.

The trip will conclude with a low-gravity workshop led by choreographer Helen Price, who believes the lunar environment may finally enable the male ensemble to achieve a convincing jazz leap.

Members have also been reminded that society rules remain in force throughout the excursion.

Mills said: “What happens on the Moon does not stay on the Moon.

“Particularly if you slag off the committee, because somebody will screenshot it.”

The trip is open to paid-up members only, although partners may attend for an additional £25 provided they help with front of house at the next production.

Anyone interested should add their name to the sheet in the clubhouse by Friday.

At the time of publication, 37 people had signed up, 12 had paid their deposit and the treasurer had resigned.