Fabricated Players turn autumn bus service cuts into heartbreaking new musical

THE Fabricated Players have announced plans to turn forthcoming reductions to local bus services into a sweeping new musical about love, loss and discovering the last number 47 left nine minutes ago.

The original production, No Service: The Musical, will tell the story of a small community torn apart when its previously hourly bus becomes “approximately every two hours, except Sundays, Wednesdays and whenever they don’t feel like it”.

Director Margaret said: “Musical theatre is about ordinary people confronting extraordinary adversity.

“And there is no greater adversity than seeing CANCELLED appear next to the 8.17 when you’ve got a hospital appointment at nine.”

The show centres on Mary, a pensioner who dreams of reaching the town centre, and Brian, a weary commuter determined to discover whether the replacement 47A actually exists.

Their paths cross at a bus stop during the opening number, There’s One Due Any Minute Now, an optimistic ensemble piece lasting 45 minutes.

This is followed by Mary’s heartbreaking solo I Could Have Walked There By Now.

Malcolm plays Councillor Derek Price, who announces the reduced timetable while insisting residents will actually benefit from “a simpler and more sustainable service”.

His big villain number, Only Three People Used It, ends with the ensemble producing spreadsheets proving that those three people used it every bloody day.

Other songs include Do You Know If This Goes to the Hospital?, Change at the Retail Park, Don’t Tap Twice, and the romantic duet Is This Seat Taken?

Act One concludes with the entire company spotting the bus approaching in the distance.

The curtain falls.

Act Two begins with the revelation that it was NOT IN SERVICE.

Margaret said: “It’s an absolutely devastating theatrical moment.

The production will feature an ambitious recreation of a local bus, although budget constraints mean this will consist of six chairs in two rows while Brian holds a steering wheel.

Movement will be provided by the ensemble swaying from side to side.

Whenever the bus brakes, everyone will suddenly lurch forwards.

Malcolm has already fallen into the orchestra pit twice.

The show’s most technically challenging sequence comes when the characters attempt to understand the new autumn timetable.

For ten minutes, the entire cast stands around a poster saying things like “No, that’s school days only” and “Hang on, you’re looking at Saturday”.

Audiences are expected to find this considerably more confusing than the plot.

The emotional climax sees Mary finally reach the town centre, only to discover the last bus home departed at 3.42pm.

She then performs the eleven o’clock number, Who the Hell Finishes Shopping at Three?

The finale, You’ll Have to Give Me a Lift, sees the entire community abandon public transport and begin messaging relatives.

Tickets go on sale next month.

Performances begin at 7.30pm, although anyone relying on the bus has been advised to arrive Tuesday.