Oscar Wilde to be renamed Oscar Tame after scandalous behaviour judged fairly standard now

VICTORIAN literary bad boy Oscar Wilde is to be renamed Oscar Tame after historians concluded his supposedly scandalous lifestyle would now barely sustain a moderately interesting Instagram account.

Wilde, once notorious for his wit, flamboyant clothes, and general refusal to behave like a miserable 19th-century man, has been reassessed against modern standards and found to be ‘actually quite restrained’.

Cultural historian Dr Helen Morris said: “Victorian society regarded Wilde as a dangerous corrupter of public morals.

“Today he’d be a bloke in a velvet jacket who goes to the theatre a lot, posts cryptic things about his ex and occasionally gets photographed leaving a wine bar.

Researchers examined Wilde’s famously decadent lifestyle and found no evidence that he had ever livestreamed himself being thrown out of a Wetherspoons, started a cryptocurrency, released a sex tape or issued a tearful Notes-app apology.

His most notorious habits included drinking champagne, wearing flowers, and making sarcastic remarks at dinner.

The proposed renaming follows complaints that the surname ‘Wilde’ creates unrealistic expectations among younger readers.

English student Chloe Parker, 19, said: “We were told he was this outrageous celebrity who scandalised the nation, so I assumed there’d be drugs, police helicopters and at least one disastrous podcast.

“Then I read his biography and it’s mainly dinner parties and clever remarks.

“My auntie Sandra had a more decadent weekend in Benidorm.”

Publishers are now considering revised editions of The Picture of Dorian Gray, in which Dorian maintains his youthful appearance through moisturiser, Pilates and having quite a good skincare routine.

The Importance of Being Earnest will also be retitled The Importance of Being Basically Fine.

Wilde’s famous final words, allegedly concerning his wallpaper, have meanwhile been praised as the only genuinely modern part of his life, with experts confirming that ‘having an absolutely massive strop about interior décor’ remains timeless.