Woman wins amateur dramatics society's annual scapegoat lottery

A LOCAL woman has spoken of her shock after winning an amateur dramatics society’s annual draw to decide who will be blamed for absolutely everything that goes wrong for the next 12 months.

Fabricated Players member Sarah Mitchell was selected as the society’s official scapegoat on Tuesday evening, meaning she will now be held personally responsible for poor ticket sales, missing props, casting disputes, technical failures and any biscuits committee members do not particularly like.

Mitchell said: “I didn’t even know I’d entered.

“Apparently every member is automatically included unless they’re on the committee, in which case their name is removed from the hat for governance reasons.”

Her responsibilities began immediately when a rehearsal started 20 minutes late despite Mitchell being 14 miles away having dinner with her parents.

Director Martin Cooper said: “Sarah really should have anticipated that.

“Yes, she wasn’t in the building and had no involvement in the rehearsal, but I think focusing on those details is exactly the sort of negativity that caused the problem in the first place.”

Under the society’s Scapegoat Scheme, Mitchell can now be blamed for almost any difficulty until August next year, including actors not learning lines, the bar running out of Sauvignon Blanc and audiences failing to understand why a four-hour production of The Cherry Orchard was “actually very accessible”.

Committee members confirmed her physical presence is not required.

Secretary Helen Price said: “That’s the beauty of the system. Previously, when something went wrong, we had to establish what happened, discuss it maturely and possibly accept some personal responsibility.

“It was exhausting.

“Now we can simply say, ‘This has got Sarah written all over it’ and get on with our evening.”

The lottery was introduced after several years in which blame was distributed informally among whichever member had most recently disagreed with the chair.

The winner receives a commemorative certificate, a bottle of Prosecco and screenshots of WhatsApp conversations they were not included in.

Mitchell has already been blamed for a broken spotlight, two cast members having an affair, the costume budget being £600 over, someone deleting the rehearsal schedule and the mysterious disappearance of a trestle table last seen in 2009.

She added: “I only joined because I wanted to paint scenery.”

Committee members described this attitude as “fairly typical of Sarah” and said it raised serious questions about her commitment to the society.

Next year’s scapegoat will be selected at the AGM, assuming Mitchell remembers to book the room.