The Fabricated Players - You couldn’t make it up. So we did.

CONVICT Jean Val-Jean is to appeal his lengthy prison sentence after insisting the loaf he stole was ‘only a Hovis Best of Both’. Val-Jean, who received five years in prison for stealing bread and a further 14 for repeatedly attempting to escape, claims the punishment was ‘wildly disproportionate given that it wasn’t even a nice sourdough’. The former prisoner admitted taking the loaf to feed his starving sister’s family, but says the court failed to take into account that it